New Year's Resolutions: Let's Stop Making Them

At the start of a new year, many people turn their attention to New Year's resolutions.

Usually this starts with plenty of enthusiasm and great intentions. Unfortunately, these resolutions can crumble after just a few hours, a few days, or a few weeks.

Why does it seem so hard to actually follow through on the changes we want so badly?

Resolution

The word itself already reveals why we so often fail to change things. What matters is that you actually engage with the change, rather than stopping at the resolution to change something. After all, if it stays a resolution, nothing changes.

Intention

In my view, what matters is the intention behind wanting to change something. Changing for the sake of change simply doesn't work. So the next time you decide you want to change something, first ask yourself: "why do I want this?" Very often, the answer to this fairly simple question turns out to be anything but simple. And there lies the reason so many New Year's resolutions fail. If you can't answer the most essential question behind a successful change, why would you expect to succeed?

Support

Of course it helps if, when you decide to quit smoking, the people around you support you. After all, once you say out loud that you want to quit, a bit of social accountability helps. But in my view, what matters far more is your own inner support and will to change. And don't get me wrong — I'm an ex-smoker myself. I, too, resolved to quit more times than I can count. That only changed about 20 years ago, when I could finally answer that one simple question with complete conviction. My resolution turned into a genuine intention, free of obstacles.

In my work, I regularly meet people who have resolved to finally go for the promotion or career switch they've been circling for years. When I ask them "why do you want this?", it's not uncommon for an uncomfortable silence to follow — or for a flood of arguments to come out that quietly undermine the intention.

Obstacles

It can help to examine what obstacles you feel are standing between your resolution and actual change. Not easy — but so important. This, I believe, is where the key to success lies. After all, as long as those obstacles remain, a resolution is likely to stay just that — a resolution.

The Search

Finding what's holding you back isn't always easy. It often comes down to subtle things you may not even be aware of. Things like a sense of responsibility, shame, fear, guilt, or not feeling seen are all examples of this. There may also be other things at play, unconsciously holding you back from committing to the change with full conviction.

Fortunately, it is possible to explore what's holding you back. Not through new resolutions, but simply by working with the right intention and an awareness of your obstacles. If you find this difficult, I'd be happy to help!