When leading becomes suffering

How do you deal with doubt while everyone applauds loudly and no one asks critical questions?

Increasingly I see leaders who are suffering. Not because of their team, not because of their strategy, but because of their own inner struggle about the choices they make. Why is that? And why is it so hard to change?

Pattern

When I look around, I keep seeing the same pattern. Why is it so difficult to actually realise the change so many people long for? I encounter this regularly in my coaching. And that’s without even mentioning the world news that hits us every day: world leaders who do not tolerate dissent, who suppress opponents or people with different views, or who remove people from their positions when they raise critical voices.

Trust

In conversations I often hear a lack of trust to engage in conflict. There is frequently fear of the consequences, or a lack of confidence in a positive outcome. In addition, there is a group of people who have no desire at all to break the status quo. Power, money and status often play a role. Ego — or is it fear?

Fear

Fear is rarely visible, but it drives decisions more often than leaders admit.

From an evolutionary perspective fear has valuable meaning because it helps us survive in dangerous situations. It puts us into an elevated state of alert. Fear, however, also causes us to switch from long‑term thinking to short‑term thinking. After all, a solution must be found now to eliminate the danger.

Risks

It is precisely that short‑term thinking that creates risks. Micro‑management, keeping talented people small or holding them back, withholding information or maintaining and promoting ‘yes‑men’ because people who are critical are seen as a risk. Fear also creates uncertainty. This often reinforces the sense of insecurity, which again necessitates short‑term thinking.

Dilemma

And with that the circle seems complete and fear continues to rule. After all, we all crave acknowledgement and nobody likes to be rejected. What if someone doubts your loyalty or competence? Especially when that is also tied to whether you keep your position. A devilish dilemma that our ego is all too ready to exploit. But what would happen if, as a leader, you gave your most talented people the space and saw critical questions as an opportunity to learn? There is a good chance the ‘yes‑men’ won’t like it — after all, they never dared to do this. Something a leader must also take into account.

Space

Imagine status or power played no role. That leaders set their ego aside and ‘yes‑men’ no longer nod along. That they see critical voices and opposition as opportunities — as fuel for growth. Then a psychologically safe environment could arise for creativity, growth, dialogue and — where necessary —conflict, without fear of negative consequences. Perhaps that is the leadership organisations — and the world — are most longing for right now.

Long‑term thinking, then. Maybe, just maybe, new leadership will emerge that so many people are desperately searching for.